Compare n’ Despair (it’s real)
Ooof, compare n’ despair is a wretched cologne.
So why are so many of us drenched in it?
I don’t think we need to dive too deeply into why C+D is an issue today (‘cause magazines at checkout counters, social media apps, cleverly written commercials with huge budgets and billboards bigger than our houses when we drive down the highway)
or even how bad it hurts to experience it (‘cause ughh nothing like being told that no matter how great you’re doing or looking or feeling, you’re falling short of that idealized human/character who you could live up to, if you just tried harder or did better)
Instead, I’m going to offer you 3 simple antidotes for Compare n' Despair.
The next time you begin to feel an inkling of that feeling (ahem, I’m not good enough, smart enough, thin enough, sexy enough, wealthy enough, anything enough), I want you to remember these reframes, pull one of them out of your pocket and try them on for size. See what fits.
Antidote 1:
There are people doing better or worse than you. In every area. Every time. Get over it.
Why it’s helpful: because ultimately, C+D is about our ego. Yes, it’s true! Feeling lowly and unworthy is actually not humility, it's your ego wanting to feel sorry for itself, because that makes it all about you again. This isn't your fault. The ego is a beast of a thing that does serve a purpose, but gets wildly unruly and out of control. Reign it back in today by remembering that it's a fact we are all on our human journey, and as such we are all in different places on the road of Life. That doesn’t mean those who are “ahead” of you are “better” than you, or those who are “behind” you are “worse” than you. It simply means we are where we are, we are who we are, and the only person you have any control over at all is you.
Inhale, exhale. Repeat.
Antidote 2:
If you’re competitive, take up a sport or start playing chess. Don’t confuse Life with a board game.
Why it’s helpful: some of us are more competitive than others. I know this to be true, and if you consider yourself someone who thrives on, gets off on or geeks out in competitive situations, great! Go find one where it’s appropriate. Then check yourself when you start noticing your competitive nature rearing its head when it comes to assessing (and judging) other people’s “success.” Managing our competitive nature is a sign of maturity and wisdom. When it’s fun, let it rip! When it starts to turn on you or others in your life, it can only result in either you beating yourself up, or you beating someone else up.
Less beating. More play!
Antidote 3:
Perfection in human form is a myth. Don’t let yourself be fooled by the allure of the unachievable.
Why it’s helpful: the myth of perfection is rampant, and toxic. We’ve all been spellbound by it’s enticing promises… that oh-so-tantalizing idea that we could have the perfect body, or the perfect partner, or the perfect job, or the perfect home, or the perfect Life! To chase perfection is to give our power over to idealization. You are wiser than that. You are a sovereign human being and you have the willpower and wisdom to consciously say no to that illusion of perfection. When we put up healthy boundaries around ourselves, we can begin to celebrate our imperfections in all their glory! (which, btw, is what your friends and soul family love about you. They don’t love you for the size of your pants or your IRA. They love your laugh, that mole on your neck, and the fact that your curiosity is undying.) Keep nourishing your authenticity. That is achievable, and it will also magnetize everything you want to you.
If any of this is resonating in your heart, belly and mind and feels like seriously tasty food for thought, yay!
You are radiant, beautiful, wicked smart, and incredibly capable. And you deserve lasting peace, joy and fulfillment in this life (and beyond!)
Outsmarting “compare n’ despair” one thought at a time,
