5 Shame Inducing Myths About Your Singing Voice (and how to shatter them)

Singing. It’s a loaded bag, am I right?

Most people either love to sing but think their voice is awful... 

or they don’t love to sing because they think their voice is awful.

In fact, when I meet someone who’s actually on friendly terms with their own singing voice, I’m impressed. Either they’ve done some serious spiritual work, or they grew up singing in a choir.

I fall into the first camp. I didn’t grow up singing in a choir (or in front of anyone. ever), so I was terrified of singing. Especially in public. I was what I now think of as a closet car singer... someone who secretly loved to sing, but lacked the confidence that only comes from practice and the insight as to why I was so scared of my voice in the first place.

Since then, I’ve done some serious inner work. I’ve sung in non-audition, all ages community choirs. I even started a choir myself, which I directed with my husband. I went from being someone who never had a single singing lesson to becoming a voice coach who gives other people singing lessons.

I’ve learned a lot about the voice, and now I’m on a mission to help others liberate their voice as I have.

You might think you’re alone in your fear of singing. Au contraire! Singing is right up there with the fear of public speaking. Most people would literally rather die than stand in front of a group of people and speak or sing.

Perhaps you’re ready to shed your doubts, face your fears and start utilizing the awesome power of your voice. Amazing!

First, let’s get clear on where you’re getting stuck. There are some very common cultural myths surrounding song and the voice in the United States, so let’s identify which of these limiting beliefs are holding you back.

Here’s the top 5 biggest myths you’ve probably been believing about your voice, and where they came from. 

[Seriously, I can’t tell you how often I’ve heard the following phrases].

Myth #1: I’m tone deaf / I can’t carry a tune

This one is incredibly common. Many people believe wholeheartedly that they are tone deaf. The truth? Only about 4% of the entire human population is truly tone deaf.

What’s more often the case is simply a lack of practice.

Singing requires 2 key skills: listening, and making sound.

If you are attempting to sing something in particular, your favorite song for example, you’ll need to listen to the song and then repeat back what you heard. In actuality, what is often perceived as tone deafness is simply a lack of skill in either listening, or being able to repeat back what you heard.

As a choir director, I found that folks who at first appeared to be tone deaf were actually quite capable of singing on key or in tune. What would happen is that when they would begin to sing with other voices, they would suddenly “lose” their own voice in the sea of other voices— which is exactly the point of singing in a choir. 

But in this losing of their voice, they would become fearful or disoriented, and then subconsciously they would move their voice to a different key. In so doing, they could suddenly hear themselves again! But also in so doing, they shifted from being on key to out of key.

Let’s remember that a skill is not something you are born with. A skill is something we develop over time, through devotion, consistency and lots of intentional action… in other words, practice. 

If you’re believing Myth #1… Take it from me, it's very unlikely you’re actually tone deaf. What’s more likely is that you haven't honed your skills of listening and repeating what you hear with your voice. And you probably haven't practiced singing with others nearly enough. Ironically, the thing we fear the most is the thing that inevitably leads to improving our skill as a singer!

Myth #2: I have a terrible voice, you don’t want to hear me sing.

Has this sentiment ever escaped your lips? If so, dear one, no judgment. You’re not alone. But I want to tell you something important. Ready for this?

99% of the people who say they have a terrible voice…  

They CAN sing! 

They CAN carry a tune. 

And they DO have a great voice.  

It blows my mind how again and again, someone affirms to me how awful their voice is, and I prepare myself to put on a neutral kind face no matter what I hear… and then when I actually hear them sing, it’s beautiful. There’s nothing awful about it. 

If this is a myth you’ve been harboring as Truth and you want to argue with me right now when I insist you have a great voice, may I remind you that I’m a singer, songwriter, choir director and musician… so I do know what I’m talking about here!

So where does this myth come from? There are 2 obvious origins.

a) You’ve been comparing yourself to someone with great skill, who’s spent way more time actually singing and building their vocal skills than you have. Like being a beginning pianist, beating yourself up for not sounding like Jon Batiste or Beethoven. More kindness, less perfection, please. 

b) At some point, someone told you your voice was terrible. Tragically, this is super common. Many many people report shaming experiences as a child where they were told to just mouth the words, to stand in the back, to sing more quietly, or to abandon music altogether and pursue something else more worthwhile.

Regardless of which of these origin stories is yours (or maybe a bit of both), take heart. Your voice is probably better than you think it is. And if you’re still insistent on arguing that you have a terrible voice, I want to point out one more thing.

Many of our most famous and treasured singers actually have what most people would call a “terrible voice.”

Otis Redding? Janis Joplin? C’mon! These are not angelic, classically-trained singers. 

Let that be a gentle reminder to stop comparing yourself to others, stop silencing yourself because you don’t sound like (name of your favorite singer here), and start giving your voice a real chance to be heard, befriended and liberated.

And even if it’s not what you might choose to listen to on the radio, there’s plenty of time to improve and grow your skills as a singer. 

Which brings us to… 

Myth #3: I wish I’d have learned music as a kid, but now it’s too late

The myth that children are better learners is incredibly common. And it’s not true! Sure, the mind is more malleable as a child. But it's never too late to learn something new.

Back to skill-building. Sometimes we forget that building skills requires time, resources and dedication. Sometimes we confuse skills with talent. Let’s differentiate the two. If you want to become a better singer, more musical, able to jam with your friends or pick up the mic at karaoke without having an anxiety attack, it’s not too late. But it will require a decision on your part, and then lots of devotion to transform that decision into actionable skill over time. 

I began my singing practice in earnest when I was 30 years old. Nearly ten years later, my devotion has paid off. And, I’m still learning! There are still nuances I long to embody, songs I want to learn, methods for the voice that inspire me, and singers who show me how infinite this vocal playground is. 

Frankly, I feel the old “I wish I’d have learned earlier but now it’s too late” excuse is simply that— an excuse.

Do you love music? Do you love to sing? Do you believe that singing is for everyone?

If so, start today, because it’s never too late to begin. 

And if you’re not sure if singing is for everyone, keep reading.

Myth #4: Singing is for only for performers and those with talent

Oof, this is a big one. Ready to unpack it with me?

American culture primarily positions singing and dancing as ‘performance arts.’ In the USA, we aren’t raised to use song and dance as a daily form of expression or connection with ourselves or others. These “performing arts” are only taught to us when we’re kids, mostly reserved for classrooms or private paid lessons. In fact, you only receive more musical training, practice or instruction if you show ‘natural talent’ or beg your parents or teachers to help you learn more.

Now compare this to indigenous tribes and cultures around the world. 

In such cultures, song and dance are a part of communal, daily life… as natural as breathing, talking and walking. Imagine you grew up with everyone around you singing and dancing constantly! Not to perform, but simply because these were the best ways to express joy or grief, survive a stressful work day, do the dishes or cook a meal and still manage to feel both content and connected.

Imagine singing was an integrated part of your daily life. If you grew up like that, you’d probably feel different about your singing voice, right?

Here and now, please acknowledge the cultural limitations and conditioning you grew up with.

And hear this:

It’s not too late for you to befriend your voice, improve your singing skills, build your confidence and learn to use your voice as a daily tool for living a rich, joyful life. 

Which leads us to the final myth.

Myth #5: Singing isn’t for me… I’m not a singer

You are a HUMAN! 

Song and dance are every human’s birthright. As we began to explore in Myth #4, singing isn’t simply an art form (though it certainly can be). Singing is a primal technology you were born with. 

Even if you have no interest in being a performer, singing has been used for centuries by tribes and cultures around the globe for a multitude of reasons. Here’s a few examples.

- Activism: all the greatest movements have used music as both catalyst and inspiration. The American Civil Rights movement + the South African anti-apartheid movement are two prime examples. Without the songs that wove those people together, who knows what might have resulted.

- Work: endless examples abound for how humans have used song to navigate the work day. Waulking songs from Scotland, sung by women as they worked newly woven wool into tartans. African Spirituals, sung by those enslaved for free labor, which often included both inspiration for how to carry on and hidden messages for how to escape. 

- Ritual + Celebration: there’s a reason we sing at birthdays. Historically, song has been used as spell, as incantation, as mantra, as praise for the divine in whatever name we use for it. No matter the religion or faith you follow, song has been used for as long as humans have inhabited the earth to commune more deeply with one another and with Spirit.

Whether you’re marching for a cause you believe in, singing yourself through a stressful work day, lulling your child to sleep, or chanting to call in your heart’s deepest desires, there is no doubt: singing is powerful medicine.

So my friend, which myths have you harbored? 

Are you ready to release them?

Isn’t it time to be kinder to yourself?

Isn’t it time to give yourself— and your voice— a second chance?

My entire life transformed when I started to sing regularly. I even met my beloved through singing!

What could it do for you?